My Pregnancy Now

I experienced being pregnant but I don't have a vivid recollection of the first trimester, first kick and generally the whole feeling. All I remember is that I liked chicken curry and I always ate it for lunch at school. Yes, my first pregnancy was when I was still in college so that means I was an immature and penniless parent-to-be. Nonetheless, I don't regret experiencing it all, I love my daughter so much and she's the reason why I worked so hard, the reason why I am still sanely living.

The pregnancy now is different, since I have the experience of a mom, I have the choice to make this phase comfortable in any way and I have the means to acquire what I think is practical and best for my baby. More importantly, what I have now are people who are truly a blessing in this lifetime:

• Friends around the world who's always available to comfort me when I feel I'm at my lowest.
• My family who takes care of me when I feel so immobile
• Husband who gets me around so I will feel comfortable going to where I should be
• In laws who never fails to remember me and ask for my condition
• Bosses who understands my situation and let's me leave work so I can take care of my little one
• Co-workers who covers for me at work so things will be business as usual

I couldn't ask for more. It's love all over the place, in different forms. The stress and depression the last 2 days served me well and I must say its more than the husband not telling the wife he misses her. It's something within. I have to experience everything so I can pick myself up, the sad part was I never realized I was drowning until now.

I am glad I talked to wise friends to remind me of who I am: a strong, independent, smart and loving individual. I miss that, I miss me. Now it's time to get her back.

The blog is titled with the 3 Ls anyway, so let's start laughin', lovin and live life the way we should.

"bawal ma-depress!!!"

Yesterday, I ranted about my thoughts and feelings about my present worries and as the night goes by the stress and depression was keeping up with me. I was crying the whole night and couldn't sleep. Though hubby did sent me a message to go online so we can talk, I refused and just made an excuse that I was not feeling well. I might say something I will regret and worst totally ruin his trip.

When I woke up, I felt ok and sent him a message that I can go online in a bit. I was able to talked to him over YM but it felt like I'm just talking to a friend who's far away. No "babe", no "i miss you" just plain old "kamusta" and stories about their night's escapade. I felt the frustration again and so I decided to make another excuse and go offline. When I logged to YM, my status was "bawal ma-depress", I didn't know he was online and so he asked me what's that about, I just shrugged and didn't give him an answer he didn't bother asking again.

I talked to close friends, asking for advise since the feeling was getting heavy and I'm becoming more depressed. They said I should wait for him to get back before saying whatever I want to say then again after being calm I knew deep inside me what to do. I need to tell him what I feel and why I felt it. I will say it in a constructive manner.

Since I listened to my heart, God made a way for me to talk to him. Hubby sent an email asking if I'm online, I said yes but then I was a bit apprehensive about his response when he said "ah ok sige" as if napilitan. I prayed before talking to him, that I may say the right words and do the right thing to be able to say what I really feel.

We talked, I wasn't able to help it, I cried. He felt bad probably that his pregnant wife is stress out and depress. I can say that we were able to work things out in a way. I still can't see that he misses me and that he's excited to talk to me but I'm all leaving that when he gets back, no need to be nitty gritty at this point.

So what am I saying, distance between two people no matter how long I believe is always a test of love and trust. It may cost the other party to call or send an sms because of the international charges, but heck marriages and relationships are much more worth it. How we express ourselves to let our partner know that we miss them may vary, but the point and goal is you make sure that they feel it because it's something that they will definitely never forget when the rain pours.

To Rant or Not to Rant

But here I go still...

Fact 1:

Hubby is away on a trip where I supposed to join him.

Fact 2:

I'm at home for 3 days now, can't go out.

Okay, I don't want to ruin anybody's trip but all I'm saying is it would be nice if that person will make himself available for calls or SMS because the person on the other side of the world is in her most unusual state. I felt bad when I was not able to get in touch with hubby this AM, I woke up really early and had a hard time going back to sleep so I decided to call him, hear his voice and in a way be comforted. When I checked the time, it was around 6AM there wake up call is 6AM so it's just perfect. I called, "cannot be reached", 3x and still the same. I sent an SMS and even BBMd his officemate. He replied after a few minutes saying he's waiting for the activation of his Aus SIM, I thought that he could have just used the active SIM and check from time to time the other one.

I replied mid afternoon, to both! He's online so I sent a YM, no answer! They had an activity so it's ok, the way he replied though is much like everything was fine. I told him, "buhay pa kami, i miss you too!" It's simple: an endearment of missing someone can already turn a gloomy day, sunny! But no, oh well! Hello married life!

A Preggy Woman's Commitment

I found this when I was browsing some sites and blogs regarding pregnancy...

"I (your name), commits to eating healthy food 5-6 days a week in order to nourish my body and my baby's. I commit to exercising daily in order to be healthy, strong, look and feel great"

I think it's cute, how I wish I can already commit. I'm trying my best to have 80% veggies and fruits in every meal though. But let's see as we move towards seeing a more energetic and happy mommy.

and its....

I was set to fly to Sydney Australia this 6th of April, unfortunately since monday (April 4) I've been experiencing minor cramps and brownish discharge. I rested early monday night, thinking that it might only be a stressful day, I was praying and hoping that the discharge will go away the next day. Early tuesday morning, I did not see anything unusual and the cramps were gone but around mid day there are still spots of brownish discharge. Since I will be having a long trip the next day, I sent an SMS to my OB and she requested to see me immediately.

I went to MMC and upon reaching her clinic Dra. Mae's assistant gave me a request for pelvic ultrasound. Oh no! Another ultrasound! I was thinking of another expense, this is the 3rd time already! I really wanted to wait though the OB Sonologists are on lunch break, seems like one doctor and admin who was there took pity on me and had me up next. I was so thankful, it is yet another simple blessing from above.

During the ultrasound, I made it to a point to have a chit chat with the OB Sonologist and her assistant to keep me calm since hubby was not there and it just feels right to bond with the people who takes care of you for that moment. As I was telling them of my past pregnancy experience, kids and how hubby and I badly wanted a boy, the doctor said "o eto BOY" and I was "HA?!!", "Ayan o" as she showed me the monitor, I had a hard time seeing it though since there's a glare of light bouncing back to the screen and as if I would really recognize. I was really surprised because I didn't expect that at this early they'll be able to see the gender but through research I found out that even at 13 weeks if it's a boy, the baby's gender will be prominent.

But I had to make sure! So I asked the doctor again, "are you sure boy sya talaga?" she checked again and told me "Ayan o naka erect pa!". I just laughed at how my baby showed his thingy to the doctor. Here's the photos the OB gave me:

My Baby BOY Asher Cassiel (tentative name)

He is really growing fast, look at him at 15 weeks!

Though I was advised to stay home, yes another week of bed rest, I'm overwhelmed with happiness to find out the baby's gender so is my husband. He even forgot our expenses for the trip due to the cancellation. It was really an answered prayer, all the trip to Baclaran and Manaoag was all worth it. Now, my next wish for him is he will be healthy and strong when he comes out to this world. With prayers and faith in God, I know he will be.