"bawal ma-depress!!!"

Yesterday, I ranted about my thoughts and feelings about my present worries and as the night goes by the stress and depression was keeping up with me. I was crying the whole night and couldn't sleep. Though hubby did sent me a message to go online so we can talk, I refused and just made an excuse that I was not feeling well. I might say something I will regret and worst totally ruin his trip.

When I woke up, I felt ok and sent him a message that I can go online in a bit. I was able to talked to him over YM but it felt like I'm just talking to a friend who's far away. No "babe", no "i miss you" just plain old "kamusta" and stories about their night's escapade. I felt the frustration again and so I decided to make another excuse and go offline. When I logged to YM, my status was "bawal ma-depress", I didn't know he was online and so he asked me what's that about, I just shrugged and didn't give him an answer he didn't bother asking again.

I talked to close friends, asking for advise since the feeling was getting heavy and I'm becoming more depressed. They said I should wait for him to get back before saying whatever I want to say then again after being calm I knew deep inside me what to do. I need to tell him what I feel and why I felt it. I will say it in a constructive manner.

Since I listened to my heart, God made a way for me to talk to him. Hubby sent an email asking if I'm online, I said yes but then I was a bit apprehensive about his response when he said "ah ok sige" as if napilitan. I prayed before talking to him, that I may say the right words and do the right thing to be able to say what I really feel.

We talked, I wasn't able to help it, I cried. He felt bad probably that his pregnant wife is stress out and depress. I can say that we were able to work things out in a way. I still can't see that he misses me and that he's excited to talk to me but I'm all leaving that when he gets back, no need to be nitty gritty at this point.

So what am I saying, distance between two people no matter how long I believe is always a test of love and trust. It may cost the other party to call or send an sms because of the international charges, but heck marriages and relationships are much more worth it. How we express ourselves to let our partner know that we miss them may vary, but the point and goal is you make sure that they feel it because it's something that they will definitely never forget when the rain pours.